He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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