I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
