So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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