why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
