I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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