I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
50% drunk capacity currently
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
