Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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