So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
