so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
