just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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