closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
