he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
