I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
