I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
