a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
