allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
