im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
