shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
