I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
