Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
