i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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