My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
