your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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