you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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