We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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