Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
