haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
