I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
