It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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