So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
