so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
