barbara walters just said penis...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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