GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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