Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
