these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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