Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
