Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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