I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
