WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
