alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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