Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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