Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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