Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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