I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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