Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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