Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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