I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
