I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
