sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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