Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
