no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
